Dealing with Grief and Loss of a Loved One
By Rene A. Bastarache, CI
There are five basic stages of grief that most people experience as a result of loss or death of a (loved one or someone close to you)…
The following suggestions will help you to address each one of them in a positive manner…
It’s important to face your feelings… Obviously you have feelings for this person who has passed on … And it’s okay and even healthy to feel those feelings… to examine them… Since you cared for them it is normal to have the associated pain from the loss… Acknowledging your feelings is the first step in feeling better and moving on…
One of the best ways to do this is to express your feelings in a creative and tangible way… You may want to write about your feelings in a letter or a journal… Saying the things you never got to say… Expressing your feelings this way will help you to attain closure… Remembering the best things… And the happy times about this person.
Take a moment right now to imagine yourself writing a letter to your (loved one or friend) … Imagining that this is a letter that they’ll receive and read… In this letter imagine yourself writing the things that you never got to say… Or the things that you would still like to say… Take a moment and imagine yourself doing this right now… Until you hear my voice once again…
(Pause for about two or three min.)
If you haven’t had a chance to finish the letter yet you’ll be able to come back and imagine completing this letter on your own anytime you like… But for now let’s continue helping you to feel better…
In this time of loss it’s especially important that you look after your physical health … Realize that your mind and your body are connected…. When you feel good physically you also feel good emotionally… You are getting plenty of sleep… You are eating healthy and taking the time to exercise whenever possible…
You like to keep healthy… It makes you feel good… It’s important to you and you realize that it would also be important to the person who you lost for you to keep healthy… So you do it for the both of you…
As you go on you may have people telling you how you should feel… Or maybe even find yourself telling you how you should feel… But from this moment on you are eliminating the word should… And simply feeling the way you want to feel… It’s okay to have the feelings that you have… It’s okay to be sad or angry… And even to yell at the sky if you want to… And it’s also okay to laugh and find moments of joy… You’ll find that you’ll let go… You’ll move on… whenever it feels right to you… and not before … allowing this process to be your own…
Associated anniversaries or holidays where you’d remember your (friend or loved one) can reopen memories or feelings… and you plan ahead for these… realizing that it can happen… being prepared for them so you are not caught unaware… and you find that it is completely normal for these triggers to happen… and it’s okay…
You may find it beneficial to plan strategic distractions in times of need… by visiting with positive and supportive friends or loved ones…
You are progressing at your own pace… You are in control of your own feelings… By acknowledging them and facing them …and you allow yourself to feel and experience them… the way that you see fit…
You are keeping the best memories of your (friend or loved one) with you… and in doing so you will grow personally… feeling better… and finding yourself being able to move on…
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